I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
