On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
