well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
