no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
