Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
