margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
