im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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