Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize