I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize