it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
