i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
