You don't have asthma, your pregnant
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
