that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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