Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
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how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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