So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
