Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
