I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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