i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
