the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
