literally had 100 drinks last night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
