ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
