i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
