could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
