i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
