and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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