I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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