is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low