Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.