Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
there is glitter all over my balls
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
