I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
