If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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