hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
