oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
