my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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