summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
