What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
