Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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