dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
