I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
