is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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