You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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