I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
