I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
