508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
