We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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