UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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