those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Randomize
