I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
