My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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