i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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