Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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