I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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