come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
