You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
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Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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