ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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