Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
