If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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