i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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