Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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