totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
