i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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