never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
