Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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