He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
